Wednesday, July 16, 2008


I actually started this blog a couple of weeks ago and just never finished it. So I'm finally bringing it to a close.

Anyone that knows me knows that my life is pretty much an open book. I can't keep anything to myself. I really can't. Sometimes I think I'm going to explode if I don't hurry and tell someone whatever silly thing just happened. I'm just retarded that way :-) Unless it's something stressful and major. Then I keep it to myself and am suddenly a clam. If that's the case, I get incredibly quiet and then you're pretty much not gonna get anything out of me. That's just some other random point about myself that I thought someone might like to know. :-)

Anyway, back to my life being an open book. Mike and I have SO MUCH CRAP! You guys have no idea. When we move it's going to be a major headache. And because I was so convinced that we would be moving this summer, I decided I should probably start cleaning some of our stuff out and sort things for either the dump or a garage sale. We still have a (very) few boxes that have never really been unpacked. We sort of generally know what's in them and are just slowly making our way around. When we moved out here everything happened so fast and we were both already working full time, so it was really hard to get completely settled in and unpacked. (I don't care if that's a lame excuse, I'm sticking to it!!) Seriously you guys, I discovered that we both still have a ton of stuff from our college days.

I came across a box that was filled with journals. Every journal that I have ever written in, from the time I was 8 to about 21 was in that box. Of course all thoughts of cleaning up ended right there!! I sat for hours and just read. All the earliest ones were pretty funny. I was such a people pleaser and was so disappointed if I had displeased someone. Most of my entries were about all of my best friends in school and church, what sins I had committed that day by disobeying my parents and how I wanted SO badly to please God in all that I did.

Then I sort of skimmed through just the few pages there were from high school and got to the novels I had written in college. Let me tell you. I do not remember being so boy crazy!! Maybe some of my friends do, but I didn't realize I was so into guys. I had such high standards I remember and would rarely actually go out with one because they just weren't good enough. That I remember. Apparently I was pretty distracted in college :-) I mean, I'm sure we all are. That is where the majority of college graduates meet their spouses.

Anyway, this isn't about all the boys that I met but actually rather about the girlfriends I made. College is definitely a once in a lifetime experience. Sure you can take classes at any age, but that true collegiate atmosphere I believe is really only experienced right out of high school. I felt that and I just went to Cameron. It's your first taste of freedom, your first opportunity to be truly independent. Well I say independent, but really my parents paid for everything and I still never did my own laundry or cooked. But for most people I'd say that's the case.

I met some incredible people in school. Made some lifetime friends and friends that, even though I may not communicate with often, I still think very fondly of. As I was reading through those journal entries I realized what I really sincerely missed most. College Bible Studies and having that whole other level of connection with my peers. I miss having that Christian fellowship. I miss that accountability. I miss that intimacy. I miss being on my hands and knees in humility before God and feeling other humble souls alongside me. I miss how completely genuine we were. Obviously there were a few show boaters, but I'd say for the most part we were very sincere.

I miss my friend with such a pure heart and desire only to be of encouragement to others. Such a level of caring many will never experience. Such deep thoughts with such pure motives and amazing accountability. I miss my friend with the wings and that beautiful soft voice.

I miss my friend that sang off key, helped me pull off a few practical jokes and understood my every unspoken word. I miss the amazing laughter, the broken humility and the level of confidence we experienced together. I miss the midnight trips to walmart, our matching pj's and our shared caffeine addiction. I miss the silly poems , hours spent doing absolutely nothing and our failed double dates :-) I really miss being able to share any unpure thoughts without passing judgment and mostly miss her for teaching me that it's okay to be imperfect and to be human. DZA.

It's amazing how quickly time flies and how much changes in really such a short time. It's amazing how much we experience and how many if not all of those experiences help us grow and build character. Without them I wouldn't know who I am today and can't imagine how different my life would be.

I'm happier with where I am in life than I've ever been before. And I have so incredibly much to be thankful for. I know that I'm truly blessed and have been given a glorious life that many will never know a fraction of. But what fun it was to take a stroll down memory lane!

Bucket full of snakes baby, bucket full of snakes ;)

Just a few more memories to share.

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