Monday, January 30, 2012

Round 1 of Results

Before I get into more medical stuff...I just wanted to say how very grateful I am to the MANY MANY positive, encouraging family & friends I do have.  I didn't mean for yesterday's post to turn into a cry out for praise or attention (I'm a little embarrassed at how many people responded w/ such great encouragement b/c it wasn't my intention).  I was genuinely hoping that it may draw the attention of the select few with negative comments/tone and would perhaps bring them to realize that there is more to every story than meets the eye and therefore see that their ridiculous judgment is uncalled for.   However, the judgmental and snooty will always be judgmental and snooty.  

Round 1 of Jocelyn's test results came back today.  Everything came back normal!  Is it silly that I was relieved, though not surprised and yet frustrated all the same? =)  Obviously I don't want there to be anything wrong with her, but it would be nice to have a name for whatever it is that we're experiencing.  I keep thinking that there's nothing seriously wrong with Jocelyn and fully expect everything to turn up normal in test results.  I just feel that she has to have some sort of food allergy (I'm sorry, let me correct.  I apparently use the word "allergy" too loosely though I merely repeat Dr. speak. Let me clarify that sensitivity or intolerance is not nearly so horrible as an allergy.  What we're experiencing is of no significance at all.)/sensitivity that's causing this horrible cycle of tummy aches and diarrhea.  The other night she kept waking and crying while rubbing her tummy, so then it was OBVIOUSLY her tummy bothering her as if the 24/7 diarrhea didn't speak for itself.  I just wish there was some known cause so that maybe we can treat or prevent her discomfort.  It just makes me sad and frustrated that we haven't figured it out yet.  A cousin of mine has enlightened me, explaining that there are several diseases that run in the family all tummy related.  I'm crossing my fingers that it's none of those (it just doesn't seem serious so much as a constant annoyance) and maybe just a food allergy she'll grow out of.  I just started keeping a food diary for her, so maybe that will help me figure things out.  We do have that GI appointment on Friday, maybe that will be more successful.

I apologize if my posts, or I, come across as testy these days.  I'm just sick of people that don't have anything nice or supportive to say.  I realize I just need to let it roll off my back and ignore "friends" like that, but that's not an easy task for me.  So in the meantime, you get to listen to my snotty self ;) lol

And lastly, I really really want to thank my fabulous friends and family for being so amazing!!  You guys are seriously the best, local and long distance.  I love that the moms local get to see Jocelyn first hand and know the silliness I get the privilege of mothering :), and well are just awesome anyway!  Mommy friends (and non mommy friends & family) long distance always know the right words to say and it makes me super thankful for facebook/email/blogger to make it easier for me to bug you when I have questions, to make staying in touch so much easier!  I love all of you the same and miss those of you far away!  Thanks for putting up with my cattiness, I promise it's just a phase!!  (I think?)

Sunday, January 29, 2012

Judgy Pants

So I'm writing this because I find myself feeling very defensive with many acquaintances, though I realize I'm pretty sensitive about it because I'm already feeling guilty on my own without any help.  I know that no one else's opinion really matters and that I know I'm doing my gosh darned best, but after awhile I can't help but let some of it get to me.  I realize some of it is really meant to be helpful and some people have good intentions, but it's the indirect comments or the need to "help" me by providing suggestions, which of course totally implies I'm either ignorant or not trying, that bother me.  I appreciate advice most times, especially from mommas I really respect, but as always advice given is unsolicited from people that just have know it all syndrome and need to share.

SO.  Just to enlighten you.

I have not mentioned this in any of our updates.  At Jocelyn's 15 month appointment she weighed in at 24 lbs 6 oz, naked.  A couple days ago she weighed 23 lbs 1 oz, fully clothed with her sweater & boots on.  Her weight is another sensitive topic for me.  It's really starting to drive me crazy when people say to me "Well, she's obviously still growing and is healthy"  or "Well, she's obviously not starving" etc.  Because she's losing weight and hasn't grown.  She still looks healthy because she was a chunky monkey to start with, but that doesn't mean YOU know she isn't actually starving.  GRRR!!  We keep her well hydrated so she isn't looking sickly and I'm doing my best to force food in her, getting more creative than I ever thought possible, but you can't literally "force" it.

I know all toddler's are picky, but I've been so anxious about her eating because of (obviously) her weight & growth.

My dad was so awesome and gifted me 3 months of cleaning service bi-weekly for Christmas.  I'm thinking I should have asked for a part-time cook instead!  Cooking for Jocelyn has been my biggest challenge yet.  We've been mostly eating organic and I've gotten super creative with mixing pureed veggies w/ teeny chunks of meat and whole wheat pastas.  The problem is she will spit out the meats and more often than not she will just turn her nose up at the whole thing before even trying it.  Amazing how they can have such strong opinions about food just based on appearance alone, so early on!  Before we went on the no milk/no soy diet she was doing awesome with at least yogurt, cottage cheese and edamame.  The child loves dairy, soy beans, peas, carrots, celery, ALL fruit, chicken nuggets and that's it.  So of course we're cutting out the dairy & soy and we're pretty limited on what she will put in her mouth.  I only just barely got her to eat a little peanut butter.  Oh and she loves oatmeal.  The other thing is, she may love one meal one day and the next day decide she doesn't want anything to do with it.  I know this is completely normal....but it definitely makes feeding her a bit trying.

Here's where my guilt comes in.

I have to be honest and say when the mommies meet for play group at Chick-fil-a I'm almost a little relieved (and feeling super guilty) to head out the door and take Jocelyn for some nuggets & fruit.  The relief is two-fold.  One, I need to get her out of the house to burn some energy and play.  Two, she will eat chicken nuggets and at least CFA uses real chicken and very little breading.  (Can you feel my guilt? lol)  We do go much much more often than I'd like, but some days I just need her to eat and have already tried 5 different meal options before giving up.  For playdates, I almost always bring other food options with me, but she never eats any of it.  Chicken nuggets are 75-80% success.  BTW, I do make chicken nuggets from scratch at home in huge batches along with the million other meals I make from scratch.  I think we end up having a lot of pictures on facebook of Jocelyn at Chick-fil-a so I'm sure everyone thinks that we live there and probably eat there a lot.  While we do eat there much more often than I'm comfortable with (meeting friends) I always try feeding her at home first.  Sometimes I'm successful and she just gets to go and play with friends.  Sometimes she only gets fruit and sometimes she eats a ridiculously huge meal of nuggets & fruit when we get there.

BUT, to my judgy pants acquaintances (who I'm sure read that beautiful article about not judging other moms, and are still judging other moms ;)):  If you had a child that was super picky and losing weight, I'm pretty sure your strict meal schedules would change some and maybe everything you knew would get thrown out the window too.  And if you have a child that isn't picky and actually eats all that organic home made whole food you prepare, well good for you.  Even more reason you shouldn't judge because you have no idea what the rest of us have to put up with.  Your snarky indirect comments are just changing my opinion of YOU.

Just sayin'.

Thursday, January 26, 2012

Doctor Update

Alright, so I thought we had J's tummy issues all sorted out finally and was so excited about it.  Not so much excited that we had to avoid dairy, but feeling like we finally had an answer.  Well, that good news only lasted a week and then everything just went right back to "normal". 

Last night was horrible and I finally called the dr again this morning.  I have been so frustrated and last night got so emotional about it after googling all the possibilities.  Bad call momma.  Google is a heaven send sometimes and sometimes the worst resource ever!!!!  THIS is why we pay the DR's big money, see what happens when you leave us mommas to do our own research?  We're left with google :)  I couldn't sleep last night after imagining all the worst possible scenarios and kept my notebook on hand to write everything down so I wouldn't forget to take it with me this morning.

Here's a quick rundown:

Dr. ordered a full blood panel, to include testing for Celiac Disease. Gave me some sort of antibiotic (I believe) to kill anything that MAY be present in her colon if that is the cause and also referred us to a GI specialist.

After the appointment, we headed straight to the lab.  Oh my heavens.  It took them 45 minutes to draw blood at the lab because they couldn't find a vein. She got poked so many times I can't believe she wasn't screaming. They poked and prodded and poked and prodded and poked some more.  It was SO hard to watch them stick the needle in so many times and then move it around like that.  You guys...she didn't even make a PEEP.  Didn't flinch or even move an inch until they were all done and then she started crying.  Even then the crying only lasted like 15 seconds, but it was heart breaking.  They had every available phlebotomist, including supervisors, there to try and tap a vein.  Actually, I'm the one that balled my eyes out, and she was totally fine.  She was SO good, just sitting there all cuddled up against mommy letting them hold her arm and go to town with the needle. 

You will LOVE this part: All of the techs agreed that she was the most mellow baby they had ever seen!!!!!! LOL LOL OMG I was cracking up. If they only knew! Though, in her defense, she is always super duper quiet and cooperative at dr's appointments. I think it's just having a stranger in her face doing stuff.   But it's still funny to hear someone tell me that my baby is any kind of mellow!

Anyway, the results are supposed to be back by Monday (hopefully).

I called the GI specialist on the way to the pharmacy and they told me the earliest available appointment was late March. She started asking me a ton of questions and suddenly there was an opening available for next week!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Hopefully this is the beginning of getting some answers. Seriously that guy is awesome. He told me that if I needed to call him every single day, even for nothing more than peace of mind or somebody to talk to, that I was more than welcome to do so and he would speak to me personally. AHHHHHHH, I told him that we were soooo grateful to have found him.


Sunday, January 1, 2012

Not a Spec of Dirt!

It was 55 F yesterday, so I took Jocelyn to the park.  We haven't done anything "fun" in a few days and she was going crazy.  We haven't seen any of our friends in a couple of weeks, so she hasn't had any social interaction with other kids, though I did take her to a play area a couple of times while Papa was in town.  Anyway, we both really needed this nicer weather to get out of the house and get some play time in!  She had so much fun!  I didn't even consider the fact that she was in pale pink & white, but she didn't get a spec of dirt on her.  I'm not sure I've mentioned this before, but she does not like to be dirty.  She could care less about food spills, but she does not like to have dirt on her, or anything on her hands.  She will wipe her hands over & over and/or finally come running to momma with her hands spread for me to get the teeny tiny spec of whatever it may be off. :)  Pretty funny!

This child LOVES to play on the slide.  I mean, once she gets started she just goes over and over and over again.  This was her first time on a BIG slide at the park, we've been on smaller ones at indoor play areas & at home.  She also went down the spiral slide, which about gave me a heart attack but she LOVED it!

Look at that smile :)  having so much fun!