Stuffed Jammies

She's been stuffing different toys down her shirt lately and suddenly discovered that she can stuff her balls from the ball pit down into her jammies :) lol  She started shoving them in and daddy helped her stuff it full.  Pretty stinkin' funny!  After that first time w/ daddy she went back and kept shoving them in all by herself, this was totally cracking me up!  Then she left them in her jammies and was walking around that way.  Daddy did have to help her zip it up after it was stuffed so full.

Busy Weekend

Mike bought tickets to go watch the NCAA gymnastics meet, Utah is ranked #1.  He really wanted to take Jocelyn :)  I thought that was insanely cute, especially since we all know there's NO way Jocelyn will sit through a couple hours of anything and a little young still to understand what's going on.  :)  But I totally wanted to go and actually she did AWESOME for the first hour and half (we got there a little early).  She was SO stinking cute, clapping and jumping up and down when every one else was cheering :)  I should have gotten video but didn't think of it.  I did get a couple of pictures of baby and daddy devouring some popcorn while mesmerized by the amazing gymnasts.

Mike and I have been looking into all the facilities that offer gymnastics for tots, hoping to start Jocelyn somewhere in the next couple of months.  HOLY MOLY it's expensive, but we think it would be worth it.  She's a little crazy ;) LOL

Then Saturday night...................................WE HIRED A BABYSITTER.  I had SO much anxiety over this, like seriously you couldn't even imagine.  I think this is also party why I was so emotional all weekend.  I left her once when she was 3 months old, but she was small enough then not to really know so much what was going on.  I left her one other time, but after I'd already put her to bed so the babysitter just watched tv and kept an eye on the monitor.  She cried her flippin eyes out as we were leaving (OMG which is heart wrenching), but I had the babysitter text me all night to keep me updated and apparently she only cried for 10 minutes (do I believe her? lol) and did awesome all night!!!  The sitter said "she has a lot of energy" LOL  She played pretty hard apparently and didn't get to bed until like 10/10:30 which was totally fine, but funny =)

GI Update

Well, we had our appointment.  We've had a super busy weekend so I actually haven't had a chance to post about it, but I was also pretty emotional and frustrated about it on Friday.

Apparently there is nothing wrong with her.  She has unexplained severe diarrhea that they consider normal and call "toddler's diarrhea," which has been mentioned to me by the last 2 Peds.  I don't want there to be anything wrong with her, but I knew that I would feel a million times better about accepting this as a final diagnosis knowing that we had ruled everything else out.  I sincerely thought they would agree that she has food allergies/sensitivity, but the Dr. said he was fairly certain we could rule that out.  The reason behind my frustration is that it just seems so unacceptable that we can view severe diarrhea as "normal."   An hour after we left the appointment she had a blow out so huge that I had to change her clothes (not unusual for us), but apparently that's normal even though she's almost 1.5 y/o.  To say that there's nothing wrong with her and there's nothing I can do, that I haven't already been doing, to help her, just leaves me feeling helpless.  Her tummy aches and hard round belly are apparently due to gas.  Also, this toddler's diarrhea can last up until 5 years of age.  Fun times.

He did tell me that I feed her too much fruit and that her daily fluid intake is too high.  There was some miscommunication in the visit as far as her fluid intake, but I was already exhausted and didn't feel like correcting him.  I knew it wouldn't make a difference in what he would have to say anyway.  But even on that front, I was trying to make sure she was getting enough fluid because of the diarrhea.

My instructions are to limit her consumption of fruit, to only 1.5 TBS a day and only allow her fluids (primarily milk, then water) during mealtimes/snack times, not to exceed 32 oz total.  Also to have very structured meal times and put a limit on how much time I give her to eat, without any distraction. No walking around with a snack or sippy cup.  For awhile I was letting her eat in the living room to the wiggles or a book, because she would eat more if eating wasn't the main focus.  That's changed over the last couple of months, so now we do structured meal times, serving food at the table time during the same hours (almost) every day, but when she asks me for food at random I give it to her.  She's so picky and for a long time wouldn't eat anything at all, so I guess it's become habit for me just to give her food when she asks.  I don't know how I'm supposed to tell her no when it's not meal time or snack time, though it does make sense that she would consume more in one sitting if I don't allow her to take a bite here and there all day.  I told him I was offering her food or snack every 2 hours (because that's what I had been told previously and also read) and his response was "Whoa!  That is entirely too often, that it should only be every 3-4 hours."  He also said that it doesn't matter what I feed her, that it's mostly cultural.  Hmmm.  He wasn't going to schedule us for a follow up but said that if I had followed my instructions and we still had issues after another 6 weeks that we should come back and run some tests.  He wanted to avoid this if possible, because they're pretty invasive.

I really walked away feeling defeated (is that the right word?) and guilty.  Obviously the choices I had made for her weren't helping,  and I couldn't help but feel like I'm partially to blame.  I'm not feeding her the right foods: too much of this, not enough of that; though I feel like I'm constantly cooking for her and offering her a huge variety of foods at every meal hoping she'll try something different. 

I've had a couple of days to think about it and I'm feeling a lot better about it now.  Still frustrated that there's no concrete solution available to help my poor baby, but I've had time to process everything and let it soak in.  I am obviously glad to hear that there is "nothing" wrong with her and also a little relieved that I'm not having to offer her food every 2 hours, though I do think I'll have a hard time telling her no if she requests food.  Hopefully the change in meal/snack times will help her with eating more so it won't be an issue.  The other super positive thing is that he told us there was no worry for allergies, and gave me the okay to slowly get back into dairy again.  He did recommend that we stay on Almond Milk though.  This is HUGE for us because I'll have SO many more meal options for her as her favorite foods were dairy (which I'm sure is probably the case for most toddlers).  So we'll be going back to edamame and yogurt as our snacks!

We will make these changes and see if it helps in the least bit.  In the mean time we will just start thinking positively and deal =)

Our GI appointment is tomorrow, wish us luck! :)

Round 1 of Results

Before I get into more medical stuff...I just wanted to say how very grateful I am to the MANY MANY positive, encouraging family & friends I do have.  I didn't mean for yesterday's post to turn into a cry out for praise or attention (I'm a little embarrassed at how many people responded w/ such great encouragement b/c it wasn't my intention).  I was genuinely hoping that it may draw the attention of the select few with negative comments/tone and would perhaps bring them to realize that there is more to every story than meets the eye and therefore see that their ridiculous judgment is uncalled for.   However, the judgmental and snooty will always be judgmental and snooty.  

Round 1 of Jocelyn's test results came back today.  Everything came back normal!  Is it silly that I was relieved, though not surprised and yet frustrated all the same? =)  Obviously I don't want there to be anything wrong with her, but it would be nice to have a name for whatever it is that we're experiencing.  I keep thinking that there's nothing seriously wrong with Jocelyn and fully expect everything to turn up normal in test results.  I just feel that she has to have some sort of food allergy (I'm sorry, let me correct.  I apparently use the word "allergy" too loosely though I merely repeat Dr. speak. Let me clarify that sensitivity or intolerance is not nearly so horrible as an allergy.  What we're experiencing is of no significance at all.)/sensitivity that's causing this horrible cycle of tummy aches and diarrhea.  The other night she kept waking and crying while rubbing her tummy, so then it was OBVIOUSLY her tummy bothering her as if the 24/7 diarrhea didn't speak for itself.  I just wish there was some known cause so that maybe we can treat or prevent her discomfort.  It just makes me sad and frustrated that we haven't figured it out yet.  A cousin of mine has enlightened me, explaining that there are several diseases that run in the family all tummy related.  I'm crossing my fingers that it's none of those (it just doesn't seem serious so much as a constant annoyance) and maybe just a food allergy she'll grow out of.  I just started keeping a food diary for her, so maybe that will help me figure things out.  We do have that GI appointment on Friday, maybe that will be more successful.

I apologize if my posts, or I, come across as testy these days.  I'm just sick of people that don't have anything nice or supportive to say.  I realize I just need to let it roll off my back and ignore "friends" like that, but that's not an easy task for me.  So in the meantime, you get to listen to my snotty self ;) lol

And lastly, I really really want to thank my fabulous friends and family for being so amazing!!  You guys are seriously the best, local and long distance.  I love that the moms local get to see Jocelyn first hand and know the silliness I get the privilege of mothering :), and well are just awesome anyway!  Mommy friends (and non mommy friends & family) long distance always know the right words to say and it makes me super thankful for facebook/email/blogger to make it easier for me to bug you when I have questions, to make staying in touch so much easier!  I love all of you the same and miss those of you far away!  Thanks for putting up with my cattiness, I promise it's just a phase!!  (I think?)

Judgy Pants

So I'm writing this because I find myself feeling very defensive with many acquaintances, though I realize I'm pretty sensitive about it because I'm already feeling guilty on my own without any help.  I know that no one else's opinion really matters and that I know I'm doing my gosh darned best, but after awhile I can't help but let some of it get to me.  I realize some of it is really meant to be helpful and some people have good intentions, but it's the indirect comments or the need to "help" me by providing suggestions, which of course totally implies I'm either ignorant or not trying, that bother me.  I appreciate advice most times, especially from mommas I really respect, but as always advice given is unsolicited from people that just have know it all syndrome and need to share.


SO.  Just to enlighten you.

I have not mentioned this in any of our updates.  At Jocelyn's 15 month appointment she weighed in at 24 lbs 6 oz, naked.  A couple days ago she weighed 23 lbs 1 oz, fully clothed with her sweater & boots on.  Her weight is another sensitive topic for me.  It's really starting to drive me crazy when people say to me "Well, she's obviously still growing and is healthy"  or "Well, she's obviously not starving" etc.  Because she's losing weight and hasn't grown.  She still looks healthy because she was a chunky monkey to start with, but that doesn't mean YOU know she isn't actually starving.  GRRR!!  We keep her well hydrated so she isn't looking sickly and I'm doing my best to force food in her, getting more creative than I ever thought possible, but you can't literally "force" it.

I know all toddler's are picky, but I've been so anxious about her eating because of (obviously) her weight & growth.

My dad was so awesome and gifted me 3 months of cleaning service bi-weekly for Christmas.  I'm thinking I should have asked for a part-time cook instead!  Cooking for Jocelyn has been my biggest challenge yet.  We've been mostly eating organic and I've gotten super creative with mixing pureed veggies w/ teeny chunks of meat and whole wheat pastas.  The problem is she will spit out the meats and more often than not she will just turn her nose up at the whole thing before even trying it.  Amazing how they can have such strong opinions about food just based on appearance alone, so early on!  Before we went on the no milk/no soy diet she was doing awesome with at least yogurt, cottage cheese and edamame.  The child loves dairy, soy beans, peas, carrots, celery, ALL fruit, chicken nuggets and that's it.  So of course we're cutting out the dairy & soy and we're pretty limited on what she will put in her mouth.  I only just barely got her to eat a little peanut butter.  Oh and she loves oatmeal.  The other thing is, she may love one meal one day and the next day decide she doesn't want anything to do with it.  I know this is completely normal....but it definitely makes feeding her a bit trying.

Here's where my guilt comes in.

I have to be honest and say when the mommies meet for play group at Chick-fil-a I'm almost a little relieved (and feeling super guilty) to head out the door and take Jocelyn for some nuggets & fruit.  The relief is two-fold.  One, I need to get her out of the house to burn some energy and play.  Two, she will eat chicken nuggets and at least CFA uses real chicken and very little breading.  (Can you feel my guilt? lol)  We do go much much more often than I'd like, but some days I just need her to eat and have already tried 5 different meal options before giving up.  For playdates, I almost always bring other food options with me, but she never eats any of it.  Chicken nuggets are 75-80% success.  BTW, I do make chicken nuggets from scratch at home in huge batches along with the million other meals I make from scratch.  I think we end up having a lot of pictures on facebook of Jocelyn at Chick-fil-a so I'm sure everyone thinks that we live there and probably eat there a lot.  While we do eat there much more often than I'm comfortable with (meeting friends) I always try feeding her at home first.  Sometimes I'm successful and she just gets to go and play with friends.  Sometimes she only gets fruit and sometimes she eats a ridiculously huge meal of nuggets & fruit when we get there.

BUT, to my judgy pants acquaintances (who I'm sure read that beautiful article about not judging other moms, and are still judging other moms ;)):  If you had a child that was super picky and losing weight, I'm pretty sure your strict meal schedules would change some and maybe everything you knew would get thrown out the window too.  And if you have a child that isn't picky and actually eats all that organic home made whole food you prepare, well good for you.  Even more reason you shouldn't judge because you have no idea what the rest of us have to put up with.  Your snarky indirect comments are just changing my opinion of YOU.

Just sayin'.

Doctor Update

Alright, so I thought we had J's tummy issues all sorted out finally and was so excited about it.  Not so much excited that we had to avoid dairy, but feeling like we finally had an answer.  Well, that good news only lasted a week and then everything just went right back to "normal". 

Last night was horrible and I finally called the dr again this morning.  I have been so frustrated and last night got so emotional about it after googling all the possibilities.  Bad call momma.  Google is a heaven send sometimes and sometimes the worst resource ever!!!!  THIS is why we pay the DR's big money, see what happens when you leave us mommas to do our own research?  We're left with google :)  I couldn't sleep last night after imagining all the worst possible scenarios and kept my notebook on hand to write everything down so I wouldn't forget to take it with me this morning.

Here's a quick rundown:

Dr. ordered a full blood panel, to include testing for Celiac Disease. Gave me some sort of antibiotic (I believe) to kill anything that MAY be present in her colon if that is the cause and also referred us to a GI specialist.

After the appointment, we headed straight to the lab.  Oh my heavens.  It took them 45 minutes to draw blood at the lab because they couldn't find a vein. She got poked so many times I can't believe she wasn't screaming. They poked and prodded and poked and prodded and poked some more.  It was SO hard to watch them stick the needle in so many times and then move it around like that.  You guys...she didn't even make a PEEP.  Didn't flinch or even move an inch until they were all done and then she started crying.  Even then the crying only lasted like 15 seconds, but it was heart breaking.  They had every available phlebotomist, including supervisors, there to try and tap a vein.  Actually, I'm the one that balled my eyes out, and she was totally fine.  She was SO good, just sitting there all cuddled up against mommy letting them hold her arm and go to town with the needle. 

You will LOVE this part: All of the techs agreed that she was the most mellow baby they had ever seen!!!!!! LOL LOL OMG I was cracking up. If they only knew! Though, in her defense, she is always super duper quiet and cooperative at dr's appointments. I think it's just having a stranger in her face doing stuff.   But it's still funny to hear someone tell me that my baby is any kind of mellow!

Anyway, the results are supposed to be back by Monday (hopefully).

I called the GI specialist on the way to the pharmacy and they told me the earliest available appointment was late March. She started asking me a ton of questions and suddenly there was an opening available for next week!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Hopefully this is the beginning of getting some answers. Seriously that guy is awesome. He told me that if I needed to call him every single day, even for nothing more than peace of mind or somebody to talk to, that I was more than welcome to do so and he would speak to me personally. AHHHHHHH, I told him that we were soooo grateful to have found him.

Seriously.