Sunday, January 29, 2012

Judgy Pants

So I'm writing this because I find myself feeling very defensive with many acquaintances, though I realize I'm pretty sensitive about it because I'm already feeling guilty on my own without any help.  I know that no one else's opinion really matters and that I know I'm doing my gosh darned best, but after awhile I can't help but let some of it get to me.  I realize some of it is really meant to be helpful and some people have good intentions, but it's the indirect comments or the need to "help" me by providing suggestions, which of course totally implies I'm either ignorant or not trying, that bother me.  I appreciate advice most times, especially from mommas I really respect, but as always advice given is unsolicited from people that just have know it all syndrome and need to share.

SO.  Just to enlighten you.

I have not mentioned this in any of our updates.  At Jocelyn's 15 month appointment she weighed in at 24 lbs 6 oz, naked.  A couple days ago she weighed 23 lbs 1 oz, fully clothed with her sweater & boots on.  Her weight is another sensitive topic for me.  It's really starting to drive me crazy when people say to me "Well, she's obviously still growing and is healthy"  or "Well, she's obviously not starving" etc.  Because she's losing weight and hasn't grown.  She still looks healthy because she was a chunky monkey to start with, but that doesn't mean YOU know she isn't actually starving.  GRRR!!  We keep her well hydrated so she isn't looking sickly and I'm doing my best to force food in her, getting more creative than I ever thought possible, but you can't literally "force" it.

I know all toddler's are picky, but I've been so anxious about her eating because of (obviously) her weight & growth.

My dad was so awesome and gifted me 3 months of cleaning service bi-weekly for Christmas.  I'm thinking I should have asked for a part-time cook instead!  Cooking for Jocelyn has been my biggest challenge yet.  We've been mostly eating organic and I've gotten super creative with mixing pureed veggies w/ teeny chunks of meat and whole wheat pastas.  The problem is she will spit out the meats and more often than not she will just turn her nose up at the whole thing before even trying it.  Amazing how they can have such strong opinions about food just based on appearance alone, so early on!  Before we went on the no milk/no soy diet she was doing awesome with at least yogurt, cottage cheese and edamame.  The child loves dairy, soy beans, peas, carrots, celery, ALL fruit, chicken nuggets and that's it.  So of course we're cutting out the dairy & soy and we're pretty limited on what she will put in her mouth.  I only just barely got her to eat a little peanut butter.  Oh and she loves oatmeal.  The other thing is, she may love one meal one day and the next day decide she doesn't want anything to do with it.  I know this is completely normal....but it definitely makes feeding her a bit trying.

Here's where my guilt comes in.

I have to be honest and say when the mommies meet for play group at Chick-fil-a I'm almost a little relieved (and feeling super guilty) to head out the door and take Jocelyn for some nuggets & fruit.  The relief is two-fold.  One, I need to get her out of the house to burn some energy and play.  Two, she will eat chicken nuggets and at least CFA uses real chicken and very little breading.  (Can you feel my guilt? lol)  We do go much much more often than I'd like, but some days I just need her to eat and have already tried 5 different meal options before giving up.  For playdates, I almost always bring other food options with me, but she never eats any of it.  Chicken nuggets are 75-80% success.  BTW, I do make chicken nuggets from scratch at home in huge batches along with the million other meals I make from scratch.  I think we end up having a lot of pictures on facebook of Jocelyn at Chick-fil-a so I'm sure everyone thinks that we live there and probably eat there a lot.  While we do eat there much more often than I'm comfortable with (meeting friends) I always try feeding her at home first.  Sometimes I'm successful and she just gets to go and play with friends.  Sometimes she only gets fruit and sometimes she eats a ridiculously huge meal of nuggets & fruit when we get there.

BUT, to my judgy pants acquaintances (who I'm sure read that beautiful article about not judging other moms, and are still judging other moms ;)):  If you had a child that was super picky and losing weight, I'm pretty sure your strict meal schedules would change some and maybe everything you knew would get thrown out the window too.  And if you have a child that isn't picky and actually eats all that organic home made whole food you prepare, well good for you.  Even more reason you shouldn't judge because you have no idea what the rest of us have to put up with.  Your snarky indirect comments are just changing my opinion of YOU.

Just sayin'.

1 comment:

Lizzie Fish said...

playgroups are the best AND the worst, aren't they?

i already commented on fb. =)

AND i hope that when all her bloodwork comes back you can get some answers about all of this! xoxo