Thursday, August 14, 2008

Halo or Horns?

I think I used to be sweet. It was a characteristic I used to be proud of and a description I heard often in association with my temperment and personality. What happened??

I now very often feel guilty for having such mean thoughts towards people. Did I finally just grow up and realize that people aren't always so nice as I once thought? I always give people the benefit of the doubt and I really cannot stand pessimism. I don't like to be around it. At all. I want to think the best of others until they provide multiple reasons why I shouldn't and I don't want anyone to tell me otherwise!

I just have been feeling awful the last couple of weeks. Mostly due to tense situations rising at work. Some incredibly disrespectful, pompous, egotistical personalities have come to surface and I have been feeling very hateful towards them. I think my tolerance for lack of teamwork and responsibility at work has zeroed out. I have actually confronted a couple of people and everyone that knows me knows I stay far far far away from confrontation and confrontational people. But that is how far I've been pushed to my limit. And I can't even necessarily feel proud for actually speaking up for once because I feel bad and feel fuilty for the possibilty of making someone else feel awful. I didn't say anything hateful, just the honest truth and called them out on their mistake. This has happened 3 times this week! And it's not so much the action that I feel so awful about as much as the fact that I've been pushed so far to my limit that I'm losing my cool with just about everyone. SO incredibly unlike me. I don't like it.

I guess I'm just venting because this is really going nowhere. I wished I could take back my innocence and sweetness and see the world again through rose colored glasses.


fawn said...

I don't think confrontation is a bad thing. Sometimes it's absolutely necessary. It's all in how you do it, and the honest truth is not so bad. Don't beat yourself up! You'll just feel worse. :) Love you!

Brenna said...

Sorry...but good for you for standing up for yourself.