Saturday, July 11, 2009

Breaking Point

I've reached it. I don't know how army wives, any military wife, does it. One of my good friends from high school is going through it again for the 4th time. I just don't know how. It's only been 8 months for me and I'm at my breaking point.

I've been so incredibly emotional. Everything, I mean EVERYTHING makes me cry. I'm constantly cranky and have zero tolerance for people. I have no idea what my problem is except that I NEED my husband :( :( :(

I'm SO sick of deployment at this point and yet I know I haven't even had to endure a fraction of what other military wives have.

It HAS been a rough year. Maybe the toughest to date. But all of that seemed manageable because I knew I had to be strong for my husband. I guess having no thing or person to care for is making time drag. I can't even IMAgINE what it would be like without the dogs. I think the last 2 months might be worse than the first 2.

13 comments:

Marissa said...

The end is the worst and the best, because it's been so long, but it's almost over.

(UnseelieSuccubus on Rav)

Lizzie Fish said...

I agree with that! You are entering Crazy Lady Phase 2.0....I don't know if it will help or not, but for me that moment when you see your husband for the first time, whether it's in the airport and he's behind a bunch of fat tourists or it's in a parking lot with everyone else from his unit...oh my gosh. I'm going to tell you right now that it will be one of the best moments in your entire life.

I'm sending you digi hugs to help you make it through these last weeks and I'm already getting excited for you for your reunion kiss...seriously...it's one of the best things in the world.

The Warren Family said...

Thanks Marissa!

Liz, that made me cry just thinking about it. I remember reading that in one of your blogs a long time ago, and I thought I knew then but I didn't. The last time was nothing compared to this! Thanks for the encouragement. I can't wait for that

Our Family of Four said...

Hey there, I'm Michelle a friend of Liz and a Marine wife. Hang in there honey... it's almost over. The last few months, weeks, days... do seem to drag and I am sure it's worse without kids but you can do it! Maybe focus on a fun homecoming sign or date or both. Planning might take your mind off things and help you get excited.

Cyber hugs,
Michelle

Morgan said...

I don't know you, but I am you.

My hubby was deployed 13 months, home for 28 days and has now been gone the last 6 months.

Those months between R&R and home are the worst. I swear sending them BACK after R&R is worse than saying goodbye the first time.

Not sure what about this is making you reach your breaking point, but, for me, it was my own emotions. I realized I was starting to resent Tom for being gone. I was jealous that he didn't have to deal with insane children or injured animals or anything in my life.

When I realized what was eating at me, it was much easier to get through. I have to have something to keep me busy or I go nutso. Honestly right now, thinking about Tom coming home on Friday makes me weepy eyed and scared to death.

Winston Churchill once said, "If you're going through hell, keep going." That's the verbose equivalent of keeping your chin up, but it does work. You put one foot in front of the other and you move forward.

Heck, I am writing a dang novel and I don't even know you, but I hope it helps. Maybe try looking at the time left in your deployment (it's as much yours as his) and break it down into specific goals. Maybe now is the time to take that dance class or obedience class with the dogs. Maybe you could join a volunteer organization. I went back to school. I can tell you that it kept me sane. Had I not had a ton of course work to fill my days, I would have lost it, for sure.

Good luck to you. I wish I could be of some help and not just commiserate.

We do this because they are worth it.

Warmly,
Morgan

The Warren Family said...

Wow, thank you Morgan and Michelle! It's really encouraging to hear from other wives that have been through it. I'm not around a community of other military wives, so its really encouraging to hear from you.

Thank you so much for your sweet words!!!

Jess said...

Hi, I'm Jessica, another friend of Liz's. Deployments are probably the worst thing ever. But you what, they show all of us military wives just how strong we really are. I think the challenges a deployment brings to your door are unlike anything else. You are strong enough, you can do it. Like Morgan said, we do it because THEY are worth it. It is completely normal to feel hopeless, but take it one day at a time. Gosh, if you weren't feeling unhappy or frustrated then there would really be something to worry about! You are almost there. Don't give up.

Steph said...

Hi...your post broke my heart! You have had a tough year, and not having your number one guy by your side makes it tougher - but just think of how much you have grown this past year, and honestly, you are probably a lot stronger than you ever thought you were. Deployments are hard - but you have probably learned so much about yourself - and you have probably realized how important Mike TRULY is to you! Take all the positives that you have learned about you, your marriage and your family - and run with it!! I hope you realize that even though you don't know any of us (Liz's friends) - we will gladly be here for you if you need us. That is what being a military wife is all about...supporting and loving each other!!!

I pray for Mike's speedy and safe return to you. That moment when he is finally in your arms is going to make all of this melt away! Hugs to you!!!

Kalyn said...

Hi. I'm yet, ANOTHER friend of Liz's. I am not a Marine Wife- but a Fireman's wife. I can relate. A little. :) I just wanted to say Hi, and to tell you that this will all be over soon. THank you for sacrificing your husband for all of us!!!!

xoxo
Kalyn

Judy said...

HEY THERE!!!!
I too, am a friend of Liz's and we met when our husband's were deployed. Like everyone else who's posted, I have survived several deployments. I used to think it was easier without children, but I think I might be wrong. I've gone through 2 deployments without children and 3 with. It's hard both ways-and I TOTALLY agree with Morgan-the R & R goodbye is 100% harder than the original goodbye.

Just know you are not alone and that there is an ending in sight. If nothing else, think of the pride and the joy and the red white and blue that will be bleeding from your veins the day you get that call that they've landed in the good ole' U S of A. You just might want someone on hand to photograph that ridiculously memorable and amazing moment. It's just THAT unforgettable.

My best to you. Hang in there. Know you're not alone and these feelings are completely normal. Much LOVE!!

~Judy

The Warren Family said...

Wow, thanks you guys! All of your responses really touched my heart. I'm overwhelmed by all the words of encouragement and hearing from other wives that really get it.

It means a lot that all of you that don't even know me have reached out in such a meaningful way.

Thank you

Maria said...

Hi!
I'm Maria, a friend of Liz's and several of the other wives who have posted. I too am a Marine Corps wife. My husband got out a year ago but still works for the Corps. We've gone through deployments and TADs (TDYs to you). We had to move our wedding from July to April b/c of a possible deployment. We were married only 4 days before John had to return to Hawaii until his PCS to VA (and me) went through.
I know how hard it is to be left behind. The missing the person you care for, the relying on them but them not being able to be there, learning to live without them when all you want is to be with them. I get that.
But I also understand that you are part of a very special group, a sorority if you will, of military wives. A group that is under appreciated and not well understood. You have more strength than you realize! And you are totally NORMAL for your feelings.
I truly wish you the best as this too shall pass.
Oorah (or hooah to you)!!!
Hugs to you.
Maria

The Warren Family said...

Thank you Maria!!!